You are not the only one who has ever fantasized about pulling a pillow over your head every time your child wakes up in the middle of the night. Many parents Dr. Whitney Roban, a sleep specialist for parents, can’t fall asleep without feeling guilty. Dr. Whitney Roban, a clinical psychologist and author the Devin/Evan children’s book series, believes that slumber should be a priority and she refuses to feel guilty about it.
As Dr. Roban discusses the relationship between sleep and behavior in children, the three pillars to health, and what happens when children determine the family’s sleep schedule ( hint : less Zzzs for all).
Your career began as a psychologist, but you switched your attention to healthy sleep for children. Did you have a turning point that led to the leap?
As a newborn, one of my sons had trouble sleeping. He would start screaming but he would smile through his tears as soon as I saw him. His behavior was clearly related to what I was doing. The parents’ actions have an impact on the child’s sleep. Children need to be able to relax and take their mind off of things. It’s like taking the training wheels of a child’s bicycle. It is important to let them do the work.
Whitney Roban is a Clinical Psychologist, Family Specialist in Sleep, and Author.
Do you ever see your child’s sleep patterns reflected in other areas?
Parents often see an improvement in their child’s development. I trained a child to sleep, and he refused to eat in preschool. He was so tired that he couldn’t focus on eating. He started eating after he had gotten to sleep well. Children who are difficult to parent can experience big behavioral changes.
They are more tolerant of frustration when they get enough sleep. It is unlikely that sleep deprivation will lead to anything positive or unhealthy sleep.
Do your childhood sleep habits continue into adulthood?
They can, but they don’t have to. I have created an elementary school curriculum that teaches children about sleep. Children will begin to relate the good things in life to healthy sleep once they understand the importance of sleep. Children who have been taught healthy sleep habits will be more confident to make positive changes in the way they behave.
What is the biggest mistake parents make when it comes to their children’s sleeping habits?
They allow children to control the family’s sleep schedule. Children feel anxious when their parents aren’t in control. While it is okay for children to participate in family decisions regarding sleep, they should not be the sole decision-maker. Children will know what’s next if you are consistent in your sleep habits. Children feel more consistent if they know what’s coming next. This is true for all aspects of parenting.
Are you sure that every child can sleep well?
As long as they don’t have a medical reason for losing sleep, every child can be a good or great sleeper. Every child can sleep well if they have the right environment, routine, and schedule. This is the ideal. Let’s now talk about reality. I’m asking you, what is the best thing you can do when it comes to moving, family trauma, illness, and vacation? Let’s begin with what we can do and move on.
What would you like to know about children’s sleep?
It is a serious health problem that should be treated in the same way as nutrition. It is so easy for parents to feel guilty about not wanting to sleep. They must change this mindset from wanting to sleep to need. This allows them to prioritize sleep instead of feeling guilty about it.
Nutrition, exercise, and sleeping are the three pillars to good health. Every family should include sleep in their health and wellness plans.
